Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Bad news for Sarah Palin - more scandals about to break.

The list of scandals with this lady just keeps growing. My crack research team has already found fifteen more items of interest that have not yet been reported in any major media that I can find. We really should not have to do the work of MSNBC, but that network has so many problems that even former sports reporter hacks can keep their job there. If you know of other scandals that we should be made aware of, please post them in the comments.


1. Sarah Palin posed for scandalous photos on her college dorm bed that ended up in a less-than-reputable publication. Rumor also has it that there are a few Sarah Palin bikini pics that were taken during her failed attempt at becoming Ms. Alaska.
2. Sarah Palin was once forced to buy a book entitled “The Audacity of Hope” after the bookstore clerk saw that Mrs. Palin had taken it into the restroom to “do something with it” while taking care of some business there.
3. Sarah Palin was caught mowing her lawn on Sunday on two separate occasions.
4. Sarah Palin once returned a rental car and falsely represented to the clerk that the tank was full, when in fact, she had driven a full forty miles after filling the tank, knowing that the gauge would falsely indicate a full tank.
5. When Sarah Palin was eight years old, she stole a candy bar. To make matters worse, it wasn’t even a good candy bar – it was a Mounds.
6. When Charlie Brown tried to kick the football, Sarah pulled it away from him and laughed when he fell and busted his tail.
7. Sarah Palin faked a fall in an icy parking lot of a Cracker Barrel in Anchorage. Court papers claim she was seriously injured. Rather than take them for big bucks, she settled with them for a lifetime guarantee of cathead biscuits and moose gravy. MSNBC has reportedly checked with Jackie Chiles but he has not been willing to comment on this case since he has another ongoing matter with Mrs. Palin regarding her claim that CNN and MSNBC libeled her daughter (a non-public figure) by falsely implying that Mrs. Palin was pretending to be the mother of the daughter’s child. Mr. Chiles went on to state that the media's treatment of Mrs. Palin's daughter was "outrageous, egregious, preposterous!"
8. Sarah Palin once drank a pint of beer before her 21st birthday at a college keg party. Witnesses claim that she was buzzing within minutes and ranting about how she has never been proud of her country.
9. Sarah Palin was recently brought up on charges in front of the Sanhedrin for blasphemy after saying that she thought Barack Hussein Obama was a socialist with ties to a known terrorist in Chicago.
10. Andrea Mitchell claims that she ran into Sarah Palin in the restroom at the Republican National Convention. Despite Andrea’s protestations, Sarah refused to spare a square of toilet paper when Andrea’s stall came up empty.
11. Troopergate is only the beginning of Sarah Palin’s troubles with state troopers. When stopped for speeding on her eighteenth birthday, she handed the state trooper her driver’s license which conveniently had a $100 bill paper-clipped to the back of it. She commented that she did not think that going 65 in a 55 should be a crime because “everyone else was doing it” and that speeding laws seemed more like a “random tax” that disproportionately impacts the poor than having anything to do with safety.
12. Mrs. Palin cannot relate to the American people. When she received her stimulus check, she used it to purchase earrings instead of basic necessities like most Americans.
13. Sarah Palin recently offended the most important segment of the electorate when she told reporters that the problem with some of America’s big city voters is that they become disenchanted when government grows too slowly, which causes them to cling to their atheism and arugula.
14. Sarah Palin has listened to her crazy pastor talk incessantly about the virtues of forgiveness, grace and love. Palin is unrepentant in her refusal to disassociate herself from this church and disavow her friendship with the pastor, despite his clearly antiquated and politically unpopular views.
15. Sarah Palin’s husband has been known to pee in the shower.

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2 Comments:

At 4:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

DUmbest thing I ever read, she is a right wing thug picked for the base, not the USA, she is NOT QUALIFED, McCain is 72 think about it? Lets see her speech 2nite but Teddy Roosevelt would bitch slap her for her anti environment views,he was a respectful hunter & created the National Parks system that Palin the BUSH 2 hate

 
At 1:33 PM, Blogger Miracle Man said...

anonymous @ 4:43 reminds me of Palin's speech line regarding Harry Reid....thanks for the accolades!

 

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